Mara – Envy

Mara in mythology is the personification of desire inside my soul. Right now I am completely under it’s footing. I look at another person and I think “I wish.” and when I look into the future I think  “I hope.” and when I look at my progress I say to myself “Not enough.” this creates a great deal of misery in my mind and it hurts my and those around me. I let the boat of my mind travel without direction on the stream of consciousness. I lack discipline and control of my thoughts.

Someone once told me that a fearless man cannot prove his courage because courage is the act of overcoming the fear inside the heart.

Before I was blessed with my family I was alone. I desired little and I was happy in the moment. I had nothing to lose so I worked hard to prove to the worth my value. I took wild chances because there was nothing to lose. My mind feels very muddle with doubt and fear because right now someone loves me. This act is of immense impact to someone like me who has dearly believed to be complete unlovable and unworthy of attention. Thank you for loving me Stacey, thank you for believing in me, thank you for supporting me, thank you for sharing your life with mine. I promise to keep becoming a better person regardless of what the future hold I will continue to attempt nobility in my life.

I do not have wisdom to impart to anyone. I listen to people who lived their believes passionately. I try to keep their words in my heart and hope that they have an effect on me. I know both yoga, breath control and the study of the wisdom of many are key in all. One day I hope I can impart some of this wisdom on to my children but first I must apply it to myself.

I always feel happier when I look directly at Mara. Let our struggle continue.

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